Today went KKH's O&G for the 2nd time regarding breastfeeding issues. Been having painful lumps and blockage for the 3rd day and it hurts more when i pressed on them. After seeing doctor, was referred to LC again. LC helped me to massage and hand expressed out milk. She advised me to try football hold to latch Baby Arielle so as to clear the painful lumps. So i did and after Baby Arielle suck for awhile, i did felt lesser pain as compared to before. But i already got the "want to give up" feeling since i had these painful lumps and blockage. So i told LC i would like to get the pill to stop breastfeeding. LC told me to continue breastfeeding as i got a lot of milk and she say i should just latch from now onwards instead of feeding Baby Arielle bottle. At that moment i got this thinking that from now i am the only one to feed her and hub don't need to wake up at night already. I know i shouldn't be thinking like this but...
This time round i really couldn't stand the pain especially this is the 2nd time that i have encounter difficulties while breastfeeding. When i got back home, i tried the football hold position but my right nipple hurts after latching for awhile. So i switched to the left but seems like Baby Arielle still don't seems satisfied. And when i pressed on my boobs, i felt the same pain again though it was minimized already. So when i was telling hub that my boobs hurt again, hub told me to just take the pill and stop. Coz before that i was already complaining about the pain everyday. At that moment, i didn't think much. I only repeat asking hub if i should really take? Hub told me to just take.
So i finally popped the pill. After taking the pill, i immediately regret my harsh actions that i cried. Thinking that i will not be able to breastfeed babygirl anymore. Although now i don't have the pain like before, but my boobs are getting engorged really fast! It's like after a few hours my boobs especially my right side will be hard and pain. And i will have to hand express or pump out. Sigh, feel like breastfeeding is so much easier coz i can just latch Baby Arielle when she's hungry. But now when i see her sucking her mittens or finding for nipple when i carry her, my tears will automatically drop. Guess we have already developed a bond between us while breastfeeding. Really wish that i can undo everything and go back to before.
Why didn't i just endure a bit more though it was painful since i already did so for 1 month? My actually goal was to breastfeed until babygirl turns 6 months or when she turns 2 months when i had the painful lumps. I really miss the moment i am latching her. Now i only can pump out and throw. All i left is that few bottles of EBM in the fridge that will be finished very soon. If i were to have another child in future, i really hope to persevere in breastfeeding longer! Pardon me for this very long post.
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